Saturday, April 4, 2009

Letter of the Week

This letter is from a few years back but I thought I should post it again so everyone could get a kick out of it. Poor kid.

I have suspected for many years that I can't win, but now I know for sure. I am 19 years old and ever since I was young I always wanted to play guitar. My father was hit by a train when I was ten, but even as early as age six he had me listening to Hendrix, Zeppelin, Clapton and the Allman Brothers. My mom on the other hand is a born again, so she saw it all as the music of the devil. Because of this my dad used to play this music for me when we would have father and son time, and it made me like the music even more because it was like having a little secret. Becoming a rock guitar player was not an option in my home. I had the option of learning piano because I would be able to play the songs we sang in church, but, let's face it, that fuckin' sucks.

When I turned sixteen, I had had enough of this and decided that I was going to work until i could get a guitar and learn to play. I did any small job I could find around the neighborhood, but mostly a lot of yard work. After about 6 months I had saved of enough to get a guitar and an amp and that is exactly what I did. It was truly one of the best days of my life. Fast forward three years....

I now have a stepdad who definitely is more in love with Jack Daniels than he will ever be with my mom, and I forgot to mention I have a little brother who likes the shittiest music on the planet. Since my mom now has her hands full and I took the brunt of the suffering as a child, my brother's music collection is not restricted. This means for a good two years I resisted the urge to hang myself because of having to listen to Korn every day (we share a bedroom). One day it all came to a head.

I came home and freaked out because my guitar was missing. I yelled at my mom but she said she honestly didn't know where it was. I was pissed. About an hour later, my drunk ass step dad came in with a shit eating grin on his face holding my guitar case. He said he had a big surprise for me. I was relieved but nervous. What could he be doing with my guitar? He is too fucking stupid to have anyone upgrade the electronics or do any kind of work on it. He set down the case and opened it. My jaw hit the floor and has yet to return.

Everything Staind touches turns to shit

He saw a flyer saying that the band Staind was gonna be at the tower records down the road and went and took the guitar to have them sign it as a "surprise", completely ignoring the fact that it is my little brother who is the one that is into those douchebags. Gee thanks "Dad".

I am not sure what to do. When I initially tried, it seemed like the marker they used was not gonna come off easily and I don't really want to destroy the paint. I put it up for sale but the only offers I got were for less than half of what I paid for the guitar. I wish I could somehow let the guys in Staind know a couple of things. The first thing I would tell them is that their band could not suck any more than it already does, and the second thing I would tell them is that their signatures on anything of value should result in them being charged with vandalism. Stick to T shirts, tits, and record covers you jerkoffs!!!

So I am writing this letter for a bit of advice. I would like to know what the best route to resolving the situation with the guitar is (getting rid of this one for a decent price), and also how can I not imagine killing my stepdad with a variety of materials including fish hooks. I thank you in advance.


I hate the world
St. Paul, MN